Thursday, June 28, 2012

There's nothing funny about a dog in a suit

Unless it's a pug.  Pugs look ridiculous in suits.

I meant to polish my nails tonight.  But I did this instead.

It's not a custom suit.  Target was selling it.  So that's a lot less weird.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

What's on Your Emergency Evacuation List?

I'm waiting for Japan to implode and overflow with nuclear effluvia that will fly into the atmosphere and head straight to San Diego.  It's possible that I have been watching too much TV, but in all seriousness, this is a real, god-awful crisis composed of NUCLEAR ATOMS.  IN AEROSOL FORM.  So, for once, I'm only about 25% overreacting.
Which got me thinking - of course - about what I would take with me when if I had to evacuate in a hurry. What I would take with me as I fled, in my IKEA bag, since the rats ate my Samsonites?  I mean, I want to be thoroughly prepared to join the giant traffic jam on the 805.  So here's my list in the order they occurred to me, not in order of importance:
  • My migraine meds
  • Toby's flea pills and heartworm meds
  • my bras
  • cash
  • Tori & Woogie (who are cremated and in lovely cedar keepsake boxes)
  • my hypoallergenic pillows
And then several hours later (!)
  • my laptop + external hard drives, ipod, ereader, plus charger cables for all of it
  • there's probably some irreplaceable papers around here I'll need for, oh, the rest of my life
  • my expensive prescription reading glasses
  • jewelry?
  • CLOTHING - like, clean underwear, anyone?  what are you going to wear those bras under, dipshit?
So, I'm not sure if I'm delightfully unmaterialistic, or if my brain is irretrievably broken.  I will be working on this list, but in the meantime, what's on your list?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Tori's Big Adventure, Or How The Big Red Dope Locked Me Out

[Tori dictated today's blog]: So, The Big Red Dope propped the front door open this afternoon when she got home from somewhere.  We let her leave the house once a day - if we don't, she gets a little cranky.  So instead of the yard, I decided to use the place that smells AWESOME where all the other dogs pee, and left the apartment.  I'm 15 years old - I don't need to sign any log book when I leave the house!  I took my time sniffing around the stairs and shrubs in the big square with walls.
When I got back to the front door, it was closed!  I could hear talking inside, so I barked.  And then I scratched.  Nothing.  I waited 5 minutes.  I scratched again.  I heard the Dope open the sliding glass door to the yard - where I was not - and I heard her slide the door shut.  I barked again.  She is not very bright, and doesn't speak Dog, but you don't need to be a genius to understand 'HEY' in any language, do you?  I waited 5 more minutes, and I barked again. 

And finally the Big Red Dope opened the front door, and said, like it was a big shocker, "Oh my god, you're outside!  What are you doing out here?"  She was still on the phone, and I didn't want to embarrass her, so I wasn't gonna say anything, but then she says to me, "You can't just wander outside without telling anyone!  I didn't know where you were!"
Well, I knew where I was, sister!  I was standing outside the front door!